Friday, February 19, 2010

pre post @ 9:19 PM

this is a post before i post watever i did during cny...cos it will be fucking long...so i must get ready to type infront of the com first...so this will be like a warm up...and scared ppl dun visit mi liao>.< oh c'mon i'm busy...so not so much time to blog...

SO~ theres something wrong with blogger...>.< i can onli see the html part and not the normal part....its irritating...cos i cant change the size of my font...den...
i cry easily...>.< tears just drip and drip...hmm...or rather fall even while i'm like...reply to a comment on facebook...and the reply is like 3 sentence? ah~ 1 more month and i'll leave the sickening place...not tat bad la...actually...but...ya noe...HAIZ...

i kept staring at the glimmer oh hope...i hold on to my dream hoping it will come true...hope what i wish will realise...den...sometime...something will not come out as planned...i give up...i'm not gonna believe in the dream i always believe anymore...it never come true...i waited...patiently...but...
i cant do anything anymore...i'm afraid...i never ever done anything tat my heart tell me to...just because i'm scared...a wrong move or the wrong word will make mi lose it forever...i dun wan to take any chances...i'm a coward...mayb i deserved to be living in pain and sufferings...
the glimmer of hope...faded...
my heart died...it overwhelmed me when i'm alone...i dun have to pretend...i'm me...
i live my life pretending....i'm pathetic...

mayb i shouldent be existing at all...i shouldent be born...no one will noe mi...the course of time will change.....

this is suppose to be a happy post...but...not my mood now...i feel like dying now...so...bear with mi ya?

plz dun be sad when i die...i dun deserve it...

bye...

p/s: dun worry i wun do anything stupid...just a way to vent out some of my unhappiness...or stress? either way...i wun die just yet...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

just wanted to blog... @ 7:39 AM

suddenly have the urge to blog...so i blog lo...everytime will have these moments...'i'll make my blog alive!! try to blog every now and then..' BUT! den...after like 2 weeks? tops...my blog will sleep like sleeping beauty...lol...i still visit my blog...to see how she preserve her beauty by sleeping...cos nothing will chamge...including the tag box...lol...den...visit other ppl blog...will again ignite the fire in mi to blog...ubt...as u can see...it NEVER last long... so hope tat i will continue like this ba....lol...as in continue to blog..post at least once every day or so...short short one oso nvm...got post ju ok le...got post ppl will visit...i dunno why...lol...but ya...i just wan ppl to come see my blog la...and another reason is...i still have like $47 more till i can cash out...>.< ya abit pai sey...but...THERE! i've said it...so i have to face it...and i mean the nuffnang thingy la...but now like never post any add on my that thingy liao leh...anyway...just click can?? plz~~~ just click on it when ever u can visit can?~~~ PLZ LA~~

parents is out...yap...at such a late hour...the best thing is...i dunno where they go...i think they go buy ingredient for cny dishes...haiz...dunno wat time they coming back...
sisters....dun live with mi liao...sort off la...nah..i dun wanna talk about it...
ME! alone at home...in an absolutely empty house...the onli living species is...my 6 tortises and a hamster...den...haiz...use to it can le la...
and...HERES MY GRANDMOTHER STORY...(erm...in case u get the wrong idea...i mean grandmother story as in it was long...and kinda old...not my father mother de story...k? XD)

always been returning to an empty house since primary school...took care of myself...breakfast, lunch and dinner...den...most of my time is...in fact spend alone...the happy times...ya noe...when result is good or got happy news or something...the sad times...well...things happen...ya noe...den...alone lo...den as times goes by...i do not...in fact never said any of my thoughts and feelings to anyone of my family members....reason being...i find it pointless lo...den they not with mi oso...den sisters age gap so big...i primary tat time..they busy dating and all...oso dun realli care about a small kid....'drama' well tats wat i think la...so i grew up with this mentality....

i was alone...i never like strangers coming to my house...and tat actually includes my relative...its wrong i noe...tat time when my sister wedding tat time all my relative come to our house...i was...kinda uncomfortable...i dun like...seriously...no...i dun like...and theres the time when my sis say her bf coming to my house...i went out immediately...and return onli when they leave...abit drastic hor...but i realli cant help it la...
sometime i wishes tat the whole house is mine...so no one will come back...to disturb mi...am i suffering from depression?...now i found a way le...i just go to my room...cos no one sharing room with mi now ma...den i can cry my heart/eyes out...and no one will noe....HA! lol...

yap...and i seldom cry infront of my families due to emotional thingy....i onli cried infront of them when i was like throwing tampturm(sorry...i dunno how to spell this word...but...u get my drift la...do u?)...the onli thing tat saw mi cry is my room wall...my pillows...my bed and my blanket...

and...once i was into hitting myself...ya...kinda painful...u dun wanna noe wat i did...

oh and i cry alot...during the night...i can cry by thinking the face of someone...someone i love....dearly...and misses like crazy...i even thought of hurting myself so the person will come and see mi...but...ya...thought onli...and no...its not a guy...i wun hurt myself for ANY guy...so ya...dun any how think...

geez...i say until i like mentally unstable like tat...NO!! I DUN DO ALL THOSE ANYMORE...I ONLI CRY NOW...it relives stress ok?!

i wrote this sentence in my dairy

'tears fall like raindrops...is the monsoon season here?'

so...ya...thats how frequently i cry...

PPL~~ PLZ FORGET ALL THESE AFTER U'VE READ CAN? I SHARED MY SECRET WITH U...WHEN U SEE MI OR WAT...DUN...PLZ...DUN ASK OR SAY...THX...this is the onli condition for sharing my secret....

thanks and bye~ dun forget to tag~and click tat bow below the tag box...hehe

P/S: i'm perfectly normal...cos i'm able to say all these out and admit tat i'm wrong K?!

additional thingy... @ 1:31 AM

ytd the pic post forgot to post some important things sia... so...add into it...but i lazy to edit the post...and scared edited le...no one will notice the diff...so post in another post... so...enjoy..again...>.<

this is a necklace from goldheart...consider a bff item ba...cos mi and bff have the same one...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

YAY-NESS!! @ 5:23 AM

my nail stuff~

mc days... @ 4:49 AM

yo ppl... i'm sick...so imma on mc...3 days...tue, wed and thurs...den friday go work liao...if imma well enough la...but most probably is well enough de la...lol...den den den...although i'm like sick...i'm kinda engergetic...the reason i never go work is...the doctor asked mi to stay out...so i never go work lo...office enclosed de ma...if i go everybody sick how? den i reover liao...all the others sick...later i alone go work nia...lol...(excuses)...OPPS! XD

den...ytd i went to polyclinic to see doctor...i waited for F***ING LONG~~~~ an hour plus ya noe!! the problem is not the wait...but the fact tat u see ppl tat are actually behind u went in first!!! wtf! although not in sequence...but i CAN SEE tat they come later...wth...wats worse is tat i went alone...the first time in my whole entire life of 17years and 40+ days...i went to the doctor myself sia!!! every other time ppl will accompany mi...cos dunno why...i scared sia...dun dare to talk to the doctor...lol...weird right...mayb cos last time went with my dad to clinic den i went into the room alone den...dare liao...

*SURPRISED* i cant believe so long liao...as in the lenght of the post

oh wait! *rushes to fold clothes*...(the onli house chores tat i need to do besides washing clothes (washing machine)hanging them out to dry and washing my own handwash clothes)(oh...did i mention not everytime i do?...lol)...see~ who says i NEVER do house chores? i did...sometimes...

ANYWAY!!

oh continue my tue journey...after i went to the doctor...i was very very very hungry...cos i never eat anything for the whole half-a-day...oh ya...it was 4pm when i left the clinic...so since i heard siti(BFF) say got cct...so i decided to pop in to see see look look...and i walked to nchs...and reminded mi when i was a nc-ren...den i go in and found out tat...she's not there...>.< and she told mi tat she's going...so i go home lo...den i walked home again...and reminded the days when i was in tuition...hmm...ya i skipped some parts...not realli important oso...aiya...sick ppl cannot type alot of stuff de la...lol...

hmmm....den...NEXT DAY~~~

den...i asked BFF out to find myself a cny bag...so we decided to go hougang mall...actually is my idea la...cos i dun wan to go too far ma...den need to make up...blah blah blah...ya noe...typical girls...despite being sick...i'm still a girl OK?! oh talk about make up...i actually tot og putting on make up to go to the doctor ya noe...ya abit siao...but its true...den i think think think...never put make up den go le...hahahahahaha

ok...back to topic...den we at FIRST...wanted to meet at 1pm....den we changed to 2pm...den due to the fact tat mi and her are hooked on computer i presume...we meet at 3 instead...lol...and ya...abit after 3...3.15pm i think...lol...like tat lo...den we saw this 2 guys tat freaked her up...cos one of the guy looked like ying jie...den dunno leh...she says they freaked her up...so ok lo...we went a big round to go through the gate...den we talked in the train...and blah blah blah...oh we reached! den we go buy bag lo...walked around...bought clothes...from cotton on and tat shop where i buy my bag...YAY-NESS its a jelly bag! den we walked walked and i psyco BFF to buy clothes also...and i DID!!! hahahahahaha although onli 1 shirt but she still bought...lol...den we go subway...shared a 6-inch...cos we're stingy...hahahahaha....den we sat at subway and talked...den theres this group of guys...irritating~~~ lol...nvm la...didi so we dun mind...wan look let them look...
*beep~~~* 37 degrees...HA! no more fever~~ looks like i can enjoy my cny afterall~~although i still have flu and sore throat and cough...ok de la! lol...
oh ya...den after tat we go shop NTUC...lol...den BFF says like auntie...so i say not every teenager can be auntie and look pretty de...lol...den we actually enjoyed our time in the supermarket...lol...and from there we went our separate ways to home...lol...like tat lo...den reach home le...i took pictures of my 'loots' and ate my dinner and here i am~~~ like tat ba...

buai buai~

Saturday, February 6, 2010

new post! @ 9:51 AM

yos! its been a very very long time since i last blog..and there are a few reasons to this...

1. i'm mad tired everyday after working
2.i'm lazy
3.dunno wat to blog about cos my days are wasted in the office...

there! so got reason de ar...

ANYWAY!

i changed my blogskin...and url...i'm sure u all can see right...

i'm tired...and dunno wat to blog sia...enjoy the music ba...

see ya soon!